Moon Musings

As Randy mentioned in his post, during the Grace Jones show, we had a special treat. A super moon lunar eclipse!  That experience alone, inspired me to post this poem.

In the last few months, I’ve picked up my fickle pen again to see if I could complete a poem. After having not written much since college, this may not be polished work, but I’d like to share it with you all.  Almost as if it was meant to be, I began writing it on a New moon, and completed it on the following New moon. I had no plans to do this, it just turned out that way.

At the Grace Jones show that Sunday night, September 27th, we would see the moon go through all of her phases in a few hours.  Metaphorically, anyway.

Nature, can do things to us - to our minds that makes our imaginations soar. Here’s the poem.  It’s called Phases.


Phases

The moon is New.
Impossible to see; shrouded in her inky cloak.
She allows this night alone for the stars to take center stage.
Shimmering, glittering against a backdrop of pure blackness,
the stars put on an impressive show -- a celestial kaleidoscope of constellations--
Ursa Major, Cassiopeia, Perseus, the Pleiades…
Venus, Jupiter, Saturn and even Mars make their appearances as well,
tracking across the sky in their predictable orbits.
The entire Milky Way herself --
her graceful arms sweeping ever outward, twirling, whirling,
in this dance that has no end.

But the moon is a jealous lover.

And so, night by night, she will shed this dusky cloak,
like an astronomical strip tease.
It begins with a little slip of the cloak off of one shoulder.
Then, night by night, gradually revealing more of her
glowing, Gibbous beauty.
Night by night, until she becomes Full.
All fat and round and bright,
letting loose her siren song over the tides.

How boldly she shines in unashamed nakedness!

Then, night by night, she coyly pulls the cloak
back over her shoulder, ever so slowly.
And, night by night, she turns away, until we can see her no more.
She is New again.
Night by night, in this dance that has no end.

Another trip to the Hollywood Bowl

Jen and I went to the Hollywood Bowl again this past weekend with a few close friends.  We saw Grace Jones.  This is a show that Jen has been looking forward to for months and Grace did not disappoint.  She sounded great and I've got to say this 67 year old woman is cooler than I or any of you reading this ever were or will ever be.  Jen was on her feet dancing for most of the show.  The night was especially memorable because the Bowl is an outdoor venue and as we saw the show we were also able to witness the supermoon lunar eclipse taking place just above us.

 

Jen and Lisa

Supermoon Lunar Eclipse also called a Blood Moon.

Jen will be going for her next scan next Wed, Oct 7.  Please keep us in your prayers as we hope for another positive outcome.

Jen & I celebrate our anniversary and more importantly... Another Stable Scan!!!

First, the great news - Jen had her latest scan this week and it was again stable!  She began her 10th cycle of chemo on Wednesday night following the scan results.  This means we are now approaching 1 year of stable scans.  As I mentioned previously survival time is based on the date of diagnosis, which is now over 12 months.  However, between her diagnosis and the beginning of her actually beginning to fight the cancer with radiation and chemo about 3 weeks lapsed while she recovered from the surgery.  During this time, the cancer tripled in size.  I still believe a lot of this rapid increase was due to the steroids that Jen was taking in order to manage the swelling following the surgery in combination with a typical hospital diet rich in carbs and sugar.  In fact there was a new study completed in just the last couple of weeks that concluded that patients taking steroids did not fare as well as those who didn't.  This is something we had come to intrinsically believe through research on our own about a year ago.  This is the same rationale for the Ketogenic diet that Jen is on.  Cancer loves glucose and steroids increase glucose levels a lot.  In fact, while she was on the steroids in the hospital they had to give her insulin injections in order to help counter the elevated glucose levels.  It is common for patients to continue taking steroids, especially throughout the radiation as this also creates swelling.  We worked with our doctors and fought to avoid taking steroids unless absolutely necessary for Jen's health.  So as we approach 1 year of stable scans, we count our blessings and are grateful that Jen has continued to do so well.  I absolutely believe her resolve, attitude and choices have helped to make it so.

This week, just prior to Jen's latest scan, we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary.  Jen and I have been married for 8 years, but we have been together for 28 years.  We got away for a night and spent it just relaxing at a motel right on the ocean.  This is the place where Jen and I got engaged.  We both had a great time and then receiving the news of the scan this week made a perfect gift.

The view from our room

Relaxing by the ocean

This was our dinner table for our anniversary.  Can't beat the view.

In case you can't read it - Jen's shirt says "Never Give Up".  It is gray in support
of Brain Cancer awareness and was a birthday gift.  Thank you Jen Langford.

Jen's Birthday

Last Saturday night we celebrated Jen's Birthday with a party.  Jen spent her birthday last year in the hospital recovering from her brain surgery.  Thanks again to Cheryl for bringing the party to Jen last year with the addition of a few close friends.  We took over one of the conference rooms in the neuro rehab wing for a brief, but appreciated celebration.  This year it was really nice for Jen to be able to party at home and to see so many friends come out to share the evening with us.  Jen and I both had a great time.  I know Jen loved seeing each and every one of you.  Thank you to all who attended.  I have only a few pictures, but 2 great videos to share.

And now, for an original song from our dear friend Paul.

Jen and Randy get away for a few days

Jen and I recently spent our second time away from home in the last year.  We have come to know one of the owners of our favorite local winery and he invited us to spend 2 nights in their guest house in the midst of the vineyard.  He also set up VIP visits to several other neighboring wineries.  The experience was incredible and we are so grateful for all of his generosity.  Thank you Alexis!
It was harvest time when we visited so it was cool to see the grapes being pressed and barrels being filled.



One of the Presses.

Pumping from tank into barrels.

Jen amidst the barrels.

Concrete Eggs - good for Chardonnay

Tasting at the vineyard.



The guest house we stayed in.

This was the view from the front of the guest house.

Jen enjoying the sunset.





Fortunately, even with Jen's extreme Ketogenic diet, she can still
enjoy an occasional glass of wine





Murphy - one of the wine cats.

Riding an ATV through a nearby vineyard.

As long as the drought doesn't affect the wine we are all good.





Stopping for a rest on the trip home.

It was good to get away for a few days, but this is what we came home to.
Notice the temperature.  Fortunately, it only gets this hot on a few days a year
and we missed 2 of them.

August 26 - Twelve months since diagnosis

     It has been a year since we received Jen's diagnosis of Glioblastoma Multiforme.  Prior to the craniotomy and biopsy that was performed on Jen a year ago, we were uncertain as to what was actually going on since Jen's first seizure a little over a month earlier.  As we approached the day of the surgery, although we were aware that cancer was a strong possibility, we were still told that there were many other possibilities ranging from an infection to MS.  It's pretty bad when MS is one of the better options you are facing.  When Jen was in recovery, and I received the news from the surgeon it hit me like a bolt of lightning.  I thought I was prepared for the diagnosis but, when given the news, I realize that I hadn't really fathomed that Jen would actually end up having brain cancer.  I had still been so hopeful that it would prove to be something easily treatable.  I remember my conversation with the surgeon after he confirmed it was cancer.  I said to him as more of a statement than a question, "So she will be able to have surgery and get it removed."  He told me it was inoperable and I said "So then, radiation and chemo?" He told me yes and then I naïvely said "And that will take care of it, right?"  His answer was simple "We haven't cured cancer."  I started to break and asked him about other possibilities and he repeated "We haven't cured cancer."  I asked him what was the point then of doing the chemo and radiation and his answer was again pointedly direct "Time.  You buy time."  I asked him how long and he replied "Maybe a year."
     Well, it has been a year and Jen is still doing well considering she has about 5 tumors in her head that refuse to go away.  She has been stable now since beginning radiation treatments about 11 months ago.  Glioblastoma is a horribly aggressive cancer and the median survival time is only 14 months.  That means that 50% of people diagnosed with it live only 14 months or less.  All survival times are based on the date of diagnosis.  Fortunately, at 12 months and still doing well, it looks as if Jen will be on the better side of this curve.  Her surgeon was right that this is about buying time.  We are looking to buy as much as possible and hoping that if we can go long enough than perhaps there will be new therapies to prolong her life and hopefully eventually a cure.  Jen is a fighter and she has been doing things that I know few people would be willing to do.  The sacrifices she has made, and the discipline she has are a testament to Jen's love of life.  If anyone can beat this thing it will be her.

Back to the Bowl, A Meteor Shower, & Chemo :(

This last Wednesday, Jen & I took in another concert at the Hollywood Bowl.  We saw the Wayne Shorter quartet followed by a tribute to legendary bassist Jaco Pastorius.  It was an eclectic group of musicians with Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, Booker T. Jones, Sam Moore (from Sam & Dave), and even Robert Trujillo (from Metallica) all taking their turns on the stage.  It's amazing to see these musicians who have been around for a while (Wayne Shorter is 82, Sam Moore is 80, and Herbie Hancock is 75) still giving it their all and still passionate about the music.

When we got home, we put on some music and spent about an hour and a half in our backyard watching the peak of the Perseid Meteor Shower.  Jen and I have probably seen at least 30 meteor showers together over the years.  It is something that we have always both enjoyed.  We usually drive out to someplace remote to get away from the city lights and lay out some blankets, turn on some music and watch the celestial fireworks.  Fortunately our house is at the edge of the city and we get quite an amazing view of the stars from our backyard, especially when we are close to a new moon as we were the other night.  For those of you who have never seen a meteor shower, you owe it to yourself to do so.  Get away from the city and be amazed.  It doesn't take long, even in a city like LA you can get to a fairly dark sky within an hour's drive.  The Leonid Meteor shower is coming up on Nov 17. - Go if you can.  On a good night you can see over a hundred shooting stars.  Jen and I wished on every one we saw.  We didn't talk about what we wished for, but for both of us, I am sure it was the same wish every time.

As I write this, Jen is lying in bed feeling the effects of the chemo.  I'm not sure I have discussed her chemo before, so I thought I would share her experiences.  Like there are many types of cancer, there are also many types of chemo.  Jen's is fortunately, a pill that she can take at home (rather than an IV that she has to do in the oncology department).  She is on her 9th cycle, which means the 9th time taking the chemo following the initial 6 week course of radiation and chemo.  There are different views as to how many cycles one should take, but the general practice is currently to try and get through 12 cycles if there is no growth in the tumors.  People have taken more cycles, and as we approach Jen's 12th cycle this will be a conversation we will be having with her doctors.  Chemo is not something that can be continued indefinitely though, as the cumulative risk of side effects becomes too great.  Each of Jen's cycles is 5 days on and 23 days off.  Jen doesn't typically feel the effects of the chemo until after the 2nd day, which is why we were able to go to the Bowl on her first day following the start of the current cycle.  By the 2nd day she experiences nausea, extreme fatigue, headaches, stomach cramps, constipation, and eventually diarrhea.  These symptoms tend to worsen over the next several days and continue for about 2-3 days following the completion of the chemo.  These are general symptoms and some days are better and some worse.  We try not to plan any activity at all during these days.  Fortunately, the chemo that she is on is one of the better tolerated ones.  She doesn't spend her days vomiting as can occur with some chemo drugs.  It is such a strange thing to willingly take a drug that is essentially poisoning your body.  The hope is that it affects the cancer worse than the healthy cells.  In the meantime, I am looking forward to Jen feeling better in a few days.

A Stable Scan!!!

Jen's latest scan from today is again stable!!!  Her platelets are holding and she will begin her 9th cycle of chemo tonight.  Jen is staying strong and continues to do well.  Thank you for all the well wishes.

Jen visits Deutsch

Jen and I visited her old workplace this last week.  We had lunch with many of her coworkers and then Jen walked around and got a chance to see many more.  We were there for almost 3 hours as everywhere we went someone new would want to run up and hug her.  Jen even got the opportunity to personally thank the president of the company for all the support Deutsch has given.  It was great to see everyone and I know it meant a lot to Jen.  Thank you again to all of Jen's Deutsch family who have shown so much love and support throughout the past year.

Jen's next MRI is tomorrow, although because of scheduling we may not get the results until this Wednesday.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I will post the results when we know.

A Night at the Hollywood Bowl

Jen and I took in a concert at the Hollywood Bowl last Thursday.  We saw Gustavo Dudamel conducting the LA Philharmonic as they played Carl Orff's Carmina Burana.  The concert was amazing and the soloists were incredible.  Even if you have never heard of Carmina Burana, trust me you know at least the section titled "O Fortuna" - it has been used in countless films and television shows.

July 22 - One Year on this journey

It was exactly one year ago that Jen had her first seizure that started us down this road.  Her diagnosis wasn't until about a month later and that is the date that is used in terms of survival time.  More on that next month.  Jen has completed her 8th cycle of chemo and is still doing well.  As I write this, a year ago, Jen had yet to have her first seizure that wouldn't happen for about another hour.  It is sobering how much life can change in the span of moments.  This year has certainly brought with it lots of trials and difficulty, but it has also brought an immense amount of love and support.  We are both eternally thankful for all the help that we have received from friends and family.  This journey would have been much harder without it.  We continue to take each day as a blessing and are hoping for many more together.

Today, we decided to go swimming for the first time since this all started.  It was the day for Jen to have her arrays changed for the Novocure, so we took the opportunity with her free and disconnected for a couple of hours to go for a dip.  Jen said it was one of the most relaxing things she has done in the last year.

And Another Stable Scan!!!

Jen had her most recent scan yesterday and it was again stable!  Her platelets have also held up and she began her 8th cycle of chemo yesterday.  Sorry for the lack of posts recently, there wasn't really much to report.  I will try to post more frequently and hopefully we will have some more fun social events to post soon.  Thanks again for all the continued support and prayers.